MR. SNUGBUG'S TALE
Vol. 2 Issue 4 April 2005

By Ahnand Mani of OSG

I am a deeply superficial person.

That's one of the innumerable profound revelations that have struck me as I sit here on my throne, contemplating my navel and mining its depths for the secrets of the universe.

To the casual observer, I appear to be inert, inactive, in orbit, and most probably snoozing. But I'll have you know that this uninteresting, uninspiring indentation in the human anatomy is focal point for not just the biological forces that drive man but also the spiritual forces that pervade and drive the universe.

The navel may be the most innocuous and overlooked part of the human anatomy and since it serves no biological purpose after birth, it may be considered to act only as a gatherer of mysterious lint. The navel is also a figurative and spiritual focus for inward-looking people and a magnet for musings.

And even that venerable granddaddy of all wise men, Saint Thomas Aquinas, recognized this doubled character of the belly button, seeing it as the "bodily metaphor for spiritual things."

Navel gazing, then, could be considered the most profound of all human activities. And I'll have you know that I have actually been immersed in a search for the universal truth. When I gaze on this fount of wisdom in wonder, I am actually out to solve the great mysteries of life.

And so I gaze.

And I learn… that Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer; and all the time you cry; and then you find there is nothing in it.

And I ask myself… if I think, and therefore I am, am I just a thought?

And I ask… are we human beings having a spiritual experience, or spiritual beings having a human experience?

And I can't help thinking… maybe this world is actually another planet's hell.

And I can't help but wonder… that if man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

And that's not all. The more I think about things, the weirder they seem. Take milk, for an example.

Why do we drink “cow's milk?”

Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, "I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em!?"

Speaking of milk and healthy food, I can't help but be amazed at the absurdity of it – you eat well, you stay fit, you die anyway.

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last. Which is why I don't have any clean laundry. After all, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

Here's another guiding philosophy of life. Eat a live toad first thing in the morning. I guarantee that nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day!

Personally, I think there are very few problems that cannot be solved through a judicious application of high explosives.

Failing that, I usually mutter a small prayer: Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.

Of course, it hasn't worked so far. But doesn't mean it won't. In the meantime, always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.